


Only fools rush in

by Excuseyouclarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Holidate (2020) Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, US holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28371162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Excuseyouclarke/pseuds/Excuseyouclarke
Summary: Clarkes sick of her mother judging her every single holiday, it doesn’t help when her adopted sister gets engaged on Christmas Day.Bellamy’s sick of spending holidays alone - or worse, with casual dates that want to be more than casual.So, they make a deal, they agree to be each other’s holidates - no feelings, no sex, just convenience. Only, feelings do get involved, and they soon find out that falling for your best friend leads to nothing but trouble.Or - a Holidate au
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 67
Collections: Bellarke Secret Santa 2020





	Only fools rush in

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ProbablyVoldemort](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProbablyVoldemort/gifts).



**_Christmas_ **

“You sure you don’t want me to take you through the gates?” The uber driver’s question pulls Clarke out of her thoughts, she shakes her head and blinks, too lost in her thoughts to realise how fast the journey was.

“No just here’s fine, thanks.” The driver pulls over and Clarke climbs out, calling  _ Merry Christmas _ over her shoulder. He’s working and he’ll probably still have a better Christmas than her, it’s a bitter thought. She stands away from the gates - and more importantly, the prying security cameras - and lights up a marlboro light. She’s going to need it if she’s going to spend the entire day with her mother and whoever the hell else is in there. 

She spritzes with the cheap CVS perfume she got especially for occasions like this, and buzzes to be let in. There’s no response though. Clarke knows there’s people there, it’s christmas day, where the hell else would they be? With a frown she holds down the buzzer for an obnoxiously long time until finally her mothers voice barks  _ ‘what?’ _

_ Happy Christmas to you too _ Clarke thinks, rolling her eyes. “Can you let me in, it’s freezing out here”

There’s a pause, and Clarke thinks she might actually be disowned and they’re not letting her in. But finally, the gates open and she makes her way up the drive, hauling the bag of presents behind her. She dumps them by the front door and lets herself into the madness. 

Her mother seems to have a habit of picking up strays who have nowhere else to go for Christmas, which is how Raven, Murphy and Jaha have ended up here for Christmas. Josie’s already started on the cocktails, and Gabriels having a lively debate with her stepdad, Marcus. 

She figures she’d better say hello to her mother before starting on the cocktails with Josie. Last year they both got so drunk they passed out before dinner was served, the alcohol in the house was severely limited this year, Clarkes sure she can make something work, though. 

“Merry Christmas” she grins as cheerily as she can as she comes into the kitchen, it smells...interesting, and that’s putting it lightly. Her mothers cooking skills are not amazing at the best of times, but she insists on cooking Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner herself. Clarkes sure there will be some form of takeout open later. 

“You’re late” is her mothers charming response, but she doesn’t expect anything less from her. “You smell different.”

“Aww thanks” Clarke smiles, she just gets a suspicious look off her mother. “Are you sure it’s not your cooking?”

“No it’s not my cooking” her mother snaps “You smell like cheap perfume.”

“It wasn’t that cheap” Clarke grimace, this was already turning into a fantastic christmas. 

“Any men on the horizon?”

“Not unless you’re looking at a different horizon to me” Clarke tries her best to joke, but it goes down like a lead balloon. It’s just another thing to tick off on the disappointment checklist.

“If you’d have become a doctor like I wanted you’d be married by now.”

“I’m going to find Josie.” Clarke mutters, turning on her heel away from this conversation.

“Don’t drink yourselves into a coma again.”

Josie’s already made her a cocktail, she passes it over with a smirk and says “I’ve done the best I can with limited resources.”

Whatever Josie’s made, it’s damn strong. Clarke winces and takes another sip, it tastes like gasoline but she’s not complaining. In the kitchen, she can hear her mother barking orders at Marcus, and Clarke wonders how she can be in control of an entire hospital but not a few pots and pans. 

“Do you ever regret being adopted by her?” Clarke asks with a smirk, sipping her gasoline cocktail.

“I’m adopted?” Josie splutters, eyes wide with shock.

“Shut up” Clarke laughs with a shake of her head.

“Nah, she likes  _ me. _ I’m not the disappointment though”

“Just me apparently.” Clarke shrugs. Raven and Murphy are arguing on the sofa, there’s nothing new there. Jaha’s sipping a beer on the armchair, looking melancholic. It’s their first Christmas without Wells, she knows how hard it must be for him. She makes her way over and sits on the arm of the chair, looking out the window. It’s just beginning to snow, fat flakes falling lazily over the perfectly manicured lawn. 

“Happy Christmas” she murmurs quietly, Jaha looks up to her and smiles a little sadly. 

“Happy Christmas” he nods, then goes back to his thoughts. But he squeezes her hand in appreciation, so she sits with him until her mother calls her to go help set the table. 

Raven’s already there, setting down place mats and name cards.

“Why do we need name cards? It’s not like we don’t already know each other.”

Raven just shrugs at her, “you know what Abby’s like, everything has to be perfect”

“You can say that again,” Clarke mutters, laying out the cutlery and glasses. 

At least Clarke’s artist skills come in handy when it comes to decorating the table, when everyones called through, she’s met with an appreciative murmur and her mother rolling her eyes at her. 

The food’s burnt and hard, and that’s putting it nicely. Her mother should start a cremation business - she keeps that joke to herself. Everyone eats it though, and the gasoline cocktail has already burnt away her taste buds so she doesn't really care. Murphy seems to be enjoying it at least, but then he’s a goat, he’ll eat anything. Mostly, everyones just grateful for the company at Christmas. 

After their interesting dinner, they split their presents into piles to be opened. She’s handmade all of her presents this year, not because she can’t afford to buy them, but she got a bit carried away with her pinterest board and thought, why the hell not? They’re cute and personal and actually mean something. 

Her mother however, simply turns her nose up at it and places the hamper of presents she got her back on the floor and moves onto the next one. 

Clarke has a stress headache coming, she can feel it. At least everyone else seems to appreciate their gifts, so that’s something at least. 

When it comes to her presents, she’s actually quite impressed with them, even Murphy’s standard socks and beer was going to go down nicely. 

Her mother, on the other hand, dumps a neatly wrapped but strangely heavy present on her lap.Clarkes confused to say the least, she stopped getting actual presents years ago, she’s usually just gets money in an envelope and a passive  _ I don’t know what to get you, just get yourself something. _ That usually suited her though, occasionally she’d get a sweater or something, but never something that had thought to it. 

So she could be forgiven for being cautious as she unwraps it. It’s a book, obviously handmade which is sweet, except it’s got a rather explicit list of cancer treatments from smokers, complete with graphic pictures she could have lived without seeing.

“What the hell is this?” She sighs, but really she knew it wasn’t ever going to be something good. 

“This is what’s going to happen to you if you don’t stop smoking. Don’t think I don’t know, I saw you on the security camera’s smoking before you got here. Consider this the gift of health.” Her mother sounds quite proud of herself for that present, and if that’s the only gift she’s getting her this year, she’s going outside for another smoke. 

Josie hands her another cocktail when she gets inside, and Murphy’s looking through the book with grim interest, which is unsurprising really, at least someones getting something out of it. 

“You know,” her mother starts when she’s cornered her in the kitchen. “If you need money you can just ask.”

“I don’t need money, I have a good job.” Clarke sighs, she should have seen this coming. There was no way her mother was going to let up on a chance to bug her about her life choices.

“I wouldn’t say an _ artist  _ is a good job” she snorts, “but there’s no shame in asking for some help. You know, Josie’s got her job in Entomology, Raven’s - ”

“Raven’s an aerospace Engineer and Murphy’s a top chef in some fancy restaurant and your biological child is just a disappointment, so you adopted all my friends to brag about them instead of admitting that I’m a - shock horror - children’s book illustrator.”

Her mother sighs and looks towards the living room, where everyones gathered around and getting ready for whatever games are on the agenda. 

“I’m not ashamed of what you do, it’s just, I always imagined something better for you.”

“What’s better than me being happy?” Clarke demands, but there’s no answer that her mother will give, but Clarke knows the answer. She can’t brag about someone who made a living out of their hobby. That’s what she’s said when Clarke told her she was going to Art school instead of Medical school. With a scoff, Clarke turns to go back into the living room and join everybody else.

They’re getting ready for a game of charades, everyones coupled up except her and Jaha, which she doesn't mind too much, he’s been quiet all day, he probably just wanted to be left alone today, god knows she did as well. 

“You alright?” She whispers, sitting next to him on the couch while Raven and Murphy get more and more irritated with each other. 

Jaha gives her a soft smile and a halfhearted shrug. “I will be” he assures her, “these things take time.”

Clarke looks over to the picture of her father on the fireplace, framed proudly, it was their last christmas together. The last time she was well and truly happy. It’s been years now, her mothers moved on, got remarried and adopted Josie, Clarke can’t let go of the sadness this time of year, her mothers coldness towards her doesn’t help, either. 

She and Jaha happily sit out playing charades, it’s neither of their thing, maybe if she was with her friends drinking it might be different, but not tonight. That left Josie and Gabriel to play. Gabriel stands nervously and takes a card, nodding and patting his pocket.

He puts up 7 fingers and Josie happily shouts “Seven words.” 

He makes a sign for a song, then gestures towards all of them. “All” Josie nods. He points to himself, Josie mutters “All I” then frowns, “Oh I’ve got it, I’m a genius - duh. All I want for Christmas is you.”

“Yes” Gabriel sighs in relief, then with a nervous clench of his fist, he fishes a box out of his pocket and drops to one knee.

There’s a collective shocked gasp, Josie looks elated though. 

“Josephine, I love you” Gabriel proudly announces. “Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

“Yes!” Josie squeals, throwing her arms around him and then slipping the ring on. 

She’s happy for Josie, she really is. She joins the line of people congratulating the happy couple when Murphy claps her on the shoulder and says “do you ever think you might die alone?”

The next day, despite her headache from whatever Josie had put in her cocktail, she meets Bellamy in a bar, it’s quiet in there, people still in food comas and spending time with the families. 

Bah Humbug.

“Please tell me you had a shit Christmas.” Bellamy groans, falling into the booth opposite her and dropping his head to the sticky table. “I need someone else to have had a shit Christmas.”

Clarke winces and pushes the beer she got for him towards him, though she thinks they may need something stronger the way the conversations going. “I had a shit Christmas,” she confirms. “My mom got me a book detailing some rather explicit cancer treatments for the Cancer I’m apparently getting from smoking and my younger sister got engaged.”

Bellamy snorts and looks up, “that’s preferable over mine.”

Now this was going to be a story. “Don’t leave me wondering then.”

“Octavia decided at the last minute her and her new  _ boyfriend _ were going to go away for Christmas, leaving me on my own, to which that girl I’m seeing - Bree - suggested I come to her parents house, as a  _ casual _ thing. It was not a casual thing, we had to wear matching sweaters, she got me a present even though she swore we weren't doing presents, then cried because I didn’t get her one.”

Clarke has to refrain from spitting out her beer. “Are you joking?”

“About which part?” Bellamy mutters, finally sitting up and taking a long drink from the beer bottle.

“Any of it,” Clarke blinks.

“It’s all true. I told her explicitly that I don’t do serious relationships, no way, no sir, not me. I spent my entire childhood being serious and having to raise my sister. I don’t want to be serious, I want fun and freedom and to not be duped into spending Christmas with some girls' parents.”

Clarke has to try really hard not to laugh. While the situation isn’t exactly funny, she’s trying to picture Bellamy’s face when Bree gave him the present.

“Okay, but what did you do when you realised you were her Christmas boyfriend? Did you run? Did you cry?”

“Stop it” he mutters, but there’s a hint of a smile there. “I was mortified. What the hell was I supposed to say? She promised we weren't doing gifts and then I have to open it in front of her parents and look like a complete jackass. I left pretty damn quick after that.”

“You should have joined me, Murphy and Raven were there, my moms added them to the list of adoptee’s” she snorts.

“Your mom doesn’t like me” Bellamy points out, Clarke just shrugs.

“She doesn’t like me either.”

“Fair point” Bellamy taps his bottle to hers, and they fall into a comfortable silence. 

It’s nice, sitting here like this with Bellamy. Despite their rocky start to the friendship, he’s her best friend now, and she wouldn't change it for the world. As much as she loves the rest of their friends, she gets along with Bellamy the most. They have a similar sense of humour, and they both have a low tolerance for other people.

“Being single sucks over the holidays” Bellamy suddenly sighs.

“I’ll drink to that,” Clarke mutters, finishing her beer. 

“I’m serious, I’ve got a big New Years Eve thing next week and it’s going to be the same bullshit, I can’t ask Bree for obvious reasons and Echo always tries to flirt with me at these things.”

“Oh no, girls trying to flirt with you, the horror,” Clarke deadpans, it must be hard, being so attractive. 

“You could be my date” he half shouts suddenly, eyes widening in revelation. Clarke pauses, because she knows Bellamy did not just ask her out on a date. On the other hand, it did sound a lot like Bellamy just asked her out on a date. 

“Erm” Clarke frowns, “I don’t - we shouldn’t - ”

“No, not like a  _ date  _ date, but like, a date for the holidays, your mom will stop bugging you about being perpetually single and I’ll be able to get away from girls trying to get a diamond ring.”

“That doesn’t sound like a legit problem, girls trying to date you.”

“Come on” he rolls his eyes, “don’t tell me you don’t need a date for the holidays. It’s not like we need to get feelings involved, it can be a - oh, holidate!”

“Cute” Clarke mutters, but he might actually have a point. She does need to get her mother off her back, and she doesn’t like the thought of Bellamy being alone on the holidays, especially when Octavia is making a habit of disappearing more and more. “I mean, it  _ could _ work.”

“Would it make it any more appealing if I told you my company goes all out for new years and gets us a private booth at the Sky Bar.”

Clarke tries her hardest not to let her enthusiasm show, but it’s difficult. The Sky Bar is one of the most exclusive bars, it’s close to impossible to get in on any other night, it books out for New Years months in advance. 

Being Bellamy’s Holidate doesn't sound like the worst idea, either. So she supposes she can bite the bullet and go to the fancy club with Bellamy on New Years, if he wasn’t going there she would have spent it with him anyway. 

“Okay, you’ve got yourself a deal. We date for the holidays, no feelings, no sex, just pure convience.” She agrees, but Bellamy’s got a look that says trouble. 

**_New years_ **

The clubs beyond packed by the time they get there, which is exactly what he was planning on. They started pre drinking well in advance so they didn’t have to spend too much money on alcohol when they were here. 

He’s nicely buzzed as they make their way in, Clarke looks amazing in a tight black dress, and as her date, he can tell her that. He could get used to this, being her date. Not that he likes her, but he’d feel awkward any other time telling how good she looks, not wanting to blur the already thin line between being friends and more than that. 

Not that wants that, but people seem to confuse them for a couple enough already, he doesn’t need to add to it. 

He has a plan to spend maybe five minutes at the booth with his coworkers, then not be in their presence anymore. When they get to the booth, there’s several bottles of champagne in buckets on the table, Bellamy pours two glasses and passes one to Clarke. 

She grins and clinks her glass with his, he already knows having her here is going to make the night a lot more tolerable. In all honesty, he would have happily deffed off the company party and spent New Years with Clarke anyway, but it's sort of mandatory, his company like their group outings, and if you don’t go you’re not seen as a team player. He definitely wants a promotion soon, so he needs to keep in the good books. 

“Hey,” Clarke calls in his ear, the music's loud enough that she has to shout to be heard. “Can we go dance?”

“Sure” he nods, happy to get away from the dulls work chat that’s going on around the table. He takes her hand so he doesn’t lose her in the crowd.

“Thanks, there were a lot of dirty looks being sent my way” she shouts over the music, Bellamy frowns and looks back to the booth, she was right, there were a lot of glares being thrown their way. Strange, everyones usually so friendly. Maybe they’re just annoyed they have to spend New Years Eve at a work event, but that’s not their problem. 

“Ignore them” he shrugs, starting to move with the music. The problem is, he’s not actually a very good dancer. But Clarke knows that, and she’s got his back, she’s a good dancer, but she doesn’t take it seriously when she’s dancing with him. He appreciates it more than she knows, he can’t be good at everything, though. 

They attract a lot of attention from their strange dancing, but he doesn’t care. He’s having fun and so is Clarke. If she wasn’t here he’d be stuck in a booth talking to Pike about research methods and statistics and having a miserable New Years Eve. That was the best thing about having his best friend as his sort of date, he can let loose, he’s not out to impress anyone, he can just be himself. 

Half an hour before midnight, Clarke tells him she’s going outside, and Bellamy goes back to the booth to get some more champagne. It’s not his favourite thing in the world, he’d much prefer some beer and shots, but it’s free so he’s not complaining.

“You look like you were having fun,” Echo says with a smile that looks more like a baring of teeth than anything friendly.

“Yeah, Clarke’s great. She makes it all a bit more sufferable, you know?”

“We didn’t think you were the settling down type” Roma smirks, but Bellamy’s confused, he was dancing with Clarke, not getting down on one knee on the dancefloor at midnight. 

“We’re not exactly picking out wedding venues” he snorts.

“No, but she’s as pretty as you are, and you look like you’re getting along, more than any other girl we’ve ever seen you with.”

Bellamy frowns, “She’s my best friend, I wouldn’t have brought her if we didn't get along.”

Roma just shrugs and goes back to her Champagne. Clarke comes back before he can think too much into it. They go back to the dance floor for their last dance of the year. 

Just as they get onto the dancefloor though, the song changes to something much slower, obviously meant for the couple just before midnight. With a shrug, Clarke places her forearms on his shoulders and says “Just follow my lead and don’t step on my toes.”

“Don’t men usually lead the dances” he replies with a smirk, hoping it masks how nervous he is about dancing when he can’t purposely make a fool of himself. 

“Do you want to lead the dance?” She replies as he puts his hands on her waist and tries not to think about how awfully intimate this is. 

“God no” he snorts, following her swaying side to side. Luckily she doesn’t try and pull any fancy moves, he’s not sure he could keep up with that. He ignores all the loved up couples around him, he doesn’t want that, he doesn’t need that. He just needs to live his life for a while, god knows Octavia was. 

A clock appears on the screens around the club and the countdown to midnight starts. When the clock strikes and the New Years brought in, he wraps his arms around Clarke and squeezes. He’s glad it was her here tonight, as his best friend and holidate. 

He tries to ignore the wistful look she’s giving all the couples happily kissing. 

**_Valentine’s Day_ **

Clarke doesn’t even realise what day it is when her mother rudely interrupts her client meeting with a FaceTime call. She’s going to have words with whoever taught her mother to FaceTime.

“Mother,” she sighs, “I’m working, what do you want?”

“Is that what you wear to work?” Her mother deadpans back, Clarke is quite frankly offended by that, she an artist, she’s not exactly walking around in a power suit.

“I work from home, what does it matter what I wear? Actually, don’t answer that, why are you calling me?”

“I got you a date,” she tells Clarke excitedly, and her stomach drops.

“Why would you do that?”

“Ungrateful,” he mother scoffs, “because everyone’s got someone but you, Josie’s getting married, Raven turns down several dates a day and you’re lonely, and Raven told me about that little pact you and Bellamy have.”

“The pact?” Clarke frowns in confusion, she has no idea what pact Raven would have told her about. “The  _ ‘both of us have to get drunk at bar thursdays’  _ pact?”

The look of disappointment on her mothers face is fantastic, it’s become her life mission to paint it and give it as a present on her birthday.

“No, the holidate thing. It’s ridiculous and honestly Clarke, you’re both adults, is it that hard to just commit?”

“Yes.” Clarke deadpans. “It is.”

Her mother sighs dejectedly, Clarke hopes she regrets calling her. “Eric’s a doctor - a neurosurgeon at that.”

“Eric...Jackson?” Clarke questions slowly, she has got to be kidding.

“Yes! Do you know him?”

“I know his boyfriend.”

“What?” Her mother blinks, and Clarke genuinely has to wonder how she runs an entire hospital.

“He’s gay, mom. And not single. Look, I’m getting a call,” She lies, but she needs to get off of this call. “I’ll call you back later.”

She hangs up before her mother can protest, she really knows how to brighten a day.

“I have a plan” Clarke flops down on the sofa unceremoniously, Bellamy raises an eyebrow at her in question, finally looking away from whatever sport game he’s watching. “Cheap valentines chocolate.”

“What?” he laughs, looking at her like she’s gone mad.

“This afternoon they reduce all the Valentine's chocolate they don’t sell. We go get it and order a pizza and watch a stupid horror film or something.”

“Are you feeling alright?” Bellamy frowns, pressing his hand to her forehead. She bats him away with a laugh and rolls her eyes playfully. “You hate horror films.”

“Yeah but I don’t exactly want to spend Valentines day watching a rom com eating cheap chocolate.”

Bellamy pauses, thinking it over, then shrugs. “Sure, I could go for a day of junk food, I’ll just make it up at the gym tomorrow.”

“Alternatively, you could be a shameless slob like everyone else in the universe.”

“Shameless slobs don’t have abs like these, though.” he smirks, lifting up his top to show off his abs. To be fair, he did have a good body, if she looked like that she’d show off too. 

But she doesn't look like that, she’s not ashamed of how she looks, but she’s certainly not lifting up her shirt for anyone. 

“Okay fine, you look good. But we’re getting chocolates, right? I need it after my mother called me this morning pestering me about my life. I don’t know why she cares, Josie’s getting married, Raven turns down about thirty requests a day, why is she so bothered about my life?”

Bellamy offers no helpful insight, he just shrugs uselessly. At least he agreed they can be slobs for the day and get chocolate, so she puts any thoughts of disappointing her mother out of her head and gets ready to go into a sugar coma.

Her plans worked well so far, leaving it until later in the day was a good idea, there’s loads of leftover chocolates and it's cheap. Bellamy occasionally turns his nose up and talks about blocked arteries and calories, Clarke doesn’t really pay much attention to that though. 

They’ve got a basket piled high when Clarke makes eye contact with Finn Collins. Her blood immediately boils when she sees him, the feelings from all those years ago still feel fresh. 

He’s still got the smarmy smile, too. He hasn't had a haircut, either. 

“Okay, I don’t like them,” Bellamy says, coming up next to her frowning at a box of chocolates, he hasn’t noticed Finn yet. “But what do you think of toffees?”

“Hate them” she mutters, not breaking eye contact with Finn. 

“Thank god,” he sighs, “I thought I was going to have to re-evaluate our - oh. You.”  _ Now _ he notices Finn. His eyes narrow as he glares at him “I was hoping you’d have stopped breathing by now.”

Finn snorts, Clarke’s still in shock that she ever found him attractive.

“Good to see you too.”

“Nobody said anything about  _ good. _ ” Bellamy scoffs, just as a pretty blonde girl links her arm with Finns. Clarke vaguely recognises her, but she can’t quite pinpoint from where.

“Oh there you are” she coos, “I was wondering where you’d got to. Oh, Bellamy, nice to see you again.”

“Bree.” Bellamy nods awkwardly. That’s where Clarke knows her from, it's the girl Bellamy was casually seeing before Christmas, the one that he spent Christmas with. She has to refrain from laughing out loud at the memory. “How do you two er, know each other?”

Oh. They were  _ together. _ Clarke can’t believe it’s only just clicked for her. Bree grins, but it’s catty and her eyes narrow at Bellamy. 

“We bonded over bad exes.”

“Bad exes? Bree we were never - ”

Clarke doesn‘t let Bellamy finish though, how dare Finn say she was a bad ex? Her anger boils over, she never really got to scream and shout at him the first time around, here’s her opportunity, in the middle of buying discount candy on valentines day.

“Are you kidding me?” Clarke demands with a screech. Next to her, Bellamy winces. “Did you walk in on me fucking my childhood sweetheart? No. Did I make you cheat? Did I make you lie about your girlfriend back in Texas?”

She was getting hysterical, she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and the one thing she swore she would never do again was cry over Finn Collins. 

Neither of them seem fazed by her outburst, Bellamy on the other hand, is having to act fast before she gets them kicked out by security. 

“Okay, time to go” he mutters, hooking an arm around her waist and pulling her towards the exit. 

“I hope you two are miserable together, I hope you walk in on her sucking Bellamy’s dick” Clarke screeches. It’s not her proudest moment.

“Don’t bring me into this” he finally gets her out of the shop, The rest of the shop and surrounding shoppers are judging her badly. She doesn’t blame them. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“Fine” she sighs, marching after him towards the car. After her a while, when the adrenaline starts to come down, she realises just how heavy the basket is. “Can you take this please? It’s too heavy.”

“Sure” Bellamy shrugs, then looks from the basket to her in horror. “Clarke, we didn’t pay for this.”

Ah, paying. That’s something they definitely should have done before leaving in a red faced spitting mess. 

“Shit.”

“Shit” Bellamy agrees. “We should probably pay for those.”

“We should” Clarke nods, “Or we could - not. No ones come after us, there’s no security chasing us yet.”

Bellamy looks around, no ones paying any attention to them, they're far enough away from the store that no one around here saw the outburst. “Run.” he takes her hand and pulls her towards the parking lot. If they didn’t look suspicious before, they did now. But she doesn't care. They drive home in a fit of giggles and order pizza.

Sat watching some bad horror films, drinking beer and eating stolen Valentine's chocolates, there’s no better way she would have spent today anyway.

**_St. Patrick's day_ **

“Is anybody in your company even Irish?” Clarke asks, pulling her  _ Kiss me I’m irish _ shirt down. So, he may have ordered a size too small for her, but in his defense, he has no idea about women's clothing. 

“No idea” he shrugs, “I don’t care either, it’s just an excuse to get shit faced on the company’s credit.”

Clarke seems to mull it over for a moment, but decides she doesn't care enough to question further. His boss loves it when his employees bring along their partners to events, he says it makes them feel more like a family. Bellamy doesn't care about feeling like a family, he just wants Echo and Roma to not flirt with him. 

He’s learnt his lesson about sleeping with people at work, it ends badly. Besides, thats the entire point of this arrangement with Clarke, he doesn’t have to come to stupid events like this alone and he doesn’t have to find a date that’s going to end up wanting more than he can give. 

The bar his company’s rented out is decked out with clovers and beer bottles, as Clarke pointed out, no one’s even irish, it’s just an excuse to get drunk so he guides them to the bar, ordering them a Guiness. 

“Cheers!” Clarke grins, clinking her glass with his. Even though her shirt being a size too small was accidental, he has to admit, she looks damn good in it. If the looks Echo and Roma were giving them were anything to go by, he’s not the only one who thinks that. 

He has no problems with platonically kissing Clarke if it means getting them off his back. 

“Hey man” A familiar voice says from behind him with a slap on his back. Usually, it would mean a bar fight if someone did that to him, but luckily he knows them, and has no intention of fighting them. 

“Garbriel” He grins, shaking his hand enthusiastically. Gabriel does casual work for them, but Bellamy loves it when he’s in, he’s one of the few people he genuinely likes, and that’s saying a lot - especially for the people he works with. “What are you doing here?”

“Pike invited me, since I’ve done so much work for the company this year. I’ve brought Josie with me, she’s around here somewhere. Hey, Clarke.”

“Hey” Clarke raises her glass with a smile, and it momentarily confuses Bellamy.

“You two know each other?” Bellamy asks, looking between the two. 

“Are you serious?” Clarke deadpans, “He’s engaged to my sister.”

Bellmay blinks, he’s never actually met Josephine, she has her own friends and doesn’t mix with Clarke’s friends outside of family dinners that Murphy and Raven go to. But still, he knew she was dating someone called Gabriel, and he knew Gabriel was dating someone called Josie. 

Now he really does feel stupid.

“It’s a good job you’re pretty” Clarke sighs, then turns to Gabriel. “I didn’t know you worked in educational research?”

“I believe the children are the future” Gabriel tells her, deadly serious. There’s a blonde woman beside him all of a sudden, now she looks familiar. 

“You do not think that” She scoffs with a roll of her eyes. “He makes the software. Oh, you’re here too.” She says to Clarke, raising her own glass of Guiness. 

“I’m irish” Clarke mutters, pointing to her shirt unamused. “I’m obliged to be here - Holidate.” Clarke jerks her head towards Bellamy. The woman - he assumes Josie - smirks at him and sticks out her hand.

“Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“All good things I assume” He tries, but Josie just raises an eyebrow at him. He knows they’re not actually related, but that look really is uncanny. 

“Be nice, Josie,” Clarke warns, draining the rest of her drink. He’s impressed with how fast she managed to drink that. Josie just shrugs, not bothered by his presence afterall. As it turns out, he actually quite likes Josie - after a few drinks anyway. 

Several Guinesses and 5 of whatever was in the green shots later, he’s happy to admit that this is the best work outing he’s had. Mostly because he’s not actually spending any time whatsoever with anyone from work. Gabriel doesn’t really count, he doesn’t technically work for the company. 

The only issue with this is he’s now regretting getting Clarke that damn shirt. He’s having thoughts that he definitely shouldn't be having about his best friend. It’s not just the shirt though, it’s her smile, and her laugh, and her eyes.

He’s had way too much to drink. 

Josie’s telling a story he’s supposed to be following, but he’s too focused on Clarke, and he shouldn’t be. He shouldn't be thinking about leaning over to kiss her.

He orders a water, he needs to sober up before he does something stupid like ruin their friendship. The last thing he needs is that, he doesn't know what he’d do without her.

“Did I ever tell you that Josie had a crush on Murphy?” Clarke’s question pulls him out of his thoughts, and he’s actually grateful for it. 

“Wait, Murphy as in our friend Murphy?” Bellamy snorts, there’s no way Josie would ever go for Murphy.

“I was young” Josie mutters into her drink, Clarke and Gabriel just laugh. “And I hadn't met Gabriel yet, I obviously didn't know what standards were.”

“Sure” Clarke snorts, “blame it on that”

“You know, you’d never know you were adopted, you and Clarke actually kind of look like siblings.” Bellamy drunkenly announces, he’s pretty sure the water actually made it worse.

“What?” Josie splutters in horror, “I’m adopted?”

Bellamy stares in alarm, Clarke said she was adopted as a teenager, unless he heard her wrong. By the look on Josie’s face he definitely heard her wrong. Now he’s cursing his very existence. 

“Ignore her, she likes to shock people” Clarke assures him, and Josie’s horror morphs into a self satisfied grin. 

“It’s okay, I obviously know I’m adopted, your reaction was hilarious though.”

“I’m glad i could be of some amusement” He mutters, at least something sobered him up. It still hasn't changed how he’s looking at Clarke though, and he has to wonder if she’s always smiled so softly at him, or if it’s that’s a new development, too. 

He’s fucked. 

**_Easter_ **

Bellamy thinks Easter is pretty much a non-event, what’s even the point of it? You get some chocolate eggs and that’s it. 

Octavia’s decided to go to her boyfriends for Easter, and while he’s not happy she spends all of her time with him, he also knows she’s an adult now, she can go where she likes with who she likes. It’s not like they do anything for Easter anyway. They’re not religious, Bellamy doesn’t particularly eat chocolate, so he begrudgingly admits that he’s not that bothered. 

At least the gym will be quiet, there’s some positives to this, and he gets some time off work, so that’s an even better bonus. 

“I have a confession” Clarke says suddenly one night while they’re watching TV, he’s been trying his best not to think about how he’s suddenly very attracted to her. He’s trying his hardest to find flaws in her appearance but honestly, he doesn't think she has any flaws.

“Okay” he frowns, turning from the TV to look at her. She’s biting her lip looking conflicted. He really hopes this isn’t a confession of feelings, he is absolutely not ready for that. 

She takes a deep breath and says “So last year I started volunteering at an Orphanage, teaching art and helping out with the kids.”

Bellmay blinks in surprise, that wasn’t the confession he was expecting, that wasn’t even a cause for a confession. She could have easily just told him that without the dramatics.

“That’s really sweet, why do you look nervous? What did you do to the kids?”

Clarke laughs finally and bats his arm. “I didn’t do anything other than teach them how to paint, it’s just - it’s always been my own personal thing, you know? I never told anyone because I didn’t want anyone saying I was just doing it for attention or whatever.”

“Yet you’re telling me,” he smirks.

“Yeah well, my mother found out somehow and started sponsoring it, which is great, it really is. They’ve been able to do a lot with the money. However it also means she’s doing a big Easter thing that I have to dress up nicely for, and if I have to then so do you.”

“Oh” he pouts, getting drunk was one things, and eating stolen chocolates was another, but actually having to dress up when he can’t drink, “well we did have a deal.”

“I’m sorry” she scoffs, “did you have any better plans?”

“I was going to go to the gym”

“The gym?”

“But,” he says slowly, “we have a deal and I’m sticking to that.”

Clarke smiles in relief, he wouldn’t actually make her do that alone. He knows how much she hates spending time with her mother, and he imagines this isn’t going to be any easier. 

So, he dresses in a suit he saves for fancy work work events and thinks Clarke better appreciate this. Except, when he sees her, any thoughts of that slip out of his head. She’s wearing a pastel blue dress, he doesn't think he’s ever seen her wear her rich people fancy clothes before. For someone who grew up with a hell of a lot of money, she’s always been down to earth.

“Ready for a day of screaming kids running around?” She asks in the car on the way there, he’s trying very hard to keep his eyes on the road. “Murphy hid the eggs for the egg hunt so I don’t think it’s going to be that successful for them.”

Bellamy snorts and shakes his head, “Who’s idea was it for him to do that?”

“Worryingly, he volunteered.” Clarke smiles, and he has to get these thoughts about her out of his head. They pull up at the Orphanage, it’s an old building, but it’s been maintained well. As soon as they get out of the car he can hear excited screams, he supposes there’s worse ways to spend Easter Sunday. 

“Ready? My mother’s going to give you the third degree.” Clarke raises an eyebrow at him playfully, but he doesn't doubt she’s telling the truth. 

There’s kids running around everywhere, they’re all in their best dress but he thinks that’s probably fruitless, they’re only going to get them messed up and dirty. He can smell something good cooking, so he assumes Murphy’s on cooking duty for the day. 

“Good, you finally made it.” comes a scathing voice from who he can only guess is Clarke's mother. She’s staring at both of them in disdain, looking over Bellamy’s suit like he’d picked it up from goodwill on the way there. Not that there would be anything wrong with doing that. 

“We’re half an hour early” Clarke points out, not that it makes a difference. “It’s good to see you too, this is Bellamy - if you care.”

“Is this your ridiculous holiday date? It’s not going to change my mind, I still think you’re both ridiculous. Why can’t you just settle down already?” Abby sighs, looking between them in despair. 

“I don’t want to, go pester Raven about her love life.” Clarke mutters, taking Bellamy’s hand and pulling him away. He’s grateful, he thought he could handle anything, but he hadn’t even managed to get a word out there. 

“Are you sure you’re not adopted and Josie’s not her actual daughter?” he questions as they get to the table where Raven’s sitting with Josie and Gabriel. 

“Unfortunately I am sure. Sorry, I know she can be a little...overbearing.”

“If that’s the word you want to use” he shrugs, Clarke smiles tightly and looks away. 

There’s more people there than he would have imagined, apparently Abby’s turned into an event to try and raise more money, which is nice, if he didnt think she had alternative motives. They haven’t been here an hour yet and all he’s heard is people singing Abby’s praises. How much she’s done for the children and how they’d be nothing without her. 

He’s pretty sure they were probably something before her, considering Clarke had been volunteering here. 

“You made it” screeches a voice as a small body slams into Clarke. He winces at the impact, but Clarke doesn't seem fazed, instead, she turns and scoops a dark haired girl onto her lap. All he can see is a mane of wild hair as she throws her arms around Clarkes necks and hugs her tightly. Clarke just laughs and hugs her back. “I didn’t see you come in.”

“I’ve been here for ages,” Clarke laughs, “You were just too busy having fun to pay any attention to me.”

The girl giggles and pushes the unruly hair out of her face. She’s wearing the same colour dress as Clarke, she looks between the two proudly. “You wore the dress!”

“I said I would” Clarke taps her nose, and she grins in glee. “Bellamy, this is my smallest best friend, Madi. Madi, this is my biggest best friend, Bellamy.”

Madi blushes and peeks a glance at Bellamy, smiling shyly. Bellamy’s never seen Clarke with children before, there’s never really been the chance. None of their friends have children, and they spend most of their time in bars and hanging around each other's places, so he’s never really thought about Clarke with children before. 

But he never imagined she’d be so maternal - especially after seeing how unmaternal her own mother is towards her. But this child clearly dotes on Clarke, wore a matching dress to look like her and hasn’t stopped clinging to her yet. 

“Hi, Madi” he smiles, she smiles back shyly and mutters a  _ hello _ back to him. “Why aren’t you doing the egg hunt with your friends?”

Madi’s face drops and she buries her head in Clarkes shoulder. “It’s too hard, I can’t find any and everyone’s laughing at me.”

Murphy. Of course he’d make it so the children couldn’t find them, he was probably having a field day. He and Clarke exchange an exasperated look and a sigh. 

“How about I help you?” Clarke asks brightly, “Murphy can be a bit naughty when he wants to be.”

“Really, you’ll help me?” Madi grins, lighting up. Bellamy looks over to the field where the egg hunts happening, it seems most of the children seem to be having the same problem, searching fruitlessly for eggs that probably aren’t even there. 

“I’ll help too” Bellamy assures her, the last thing they need is people talking about the disastrous easter egg hunt that made all the orphans cry. Plus, he hates seeing children sad. He hated it when Octavia was a kid, he couldn’t stand the tears or the big sad eyes, and that pout, god he still has nightmares about that pout. 

They stand, Madi excitedly clings to Clarke’s hand as they look around. Bellamy seems to have found a following of his own, but he suspects they’re secretly laughing that he can’t find any, either. Almost an hour later and no eggs, Bellamy’s officially ready to kill Murphy. Just in time too, as he’s coming out of the kitchen with platters of food now. 

“Where did you hide the eggs?” Bellamy demands, Murphy raises an eyebrow at him. 

“Is that a trick question? Not in front of the children, please.” Murphy smirks back, placing the food on the table.

“The easter eggs, for the egg hunt?”

“That wasn’t my job” Murphy blinks, “I was in charge of food - see, I cooked the food.”

“Murphy” Clarke snaps, coming up behind him, “Where the hell are the eggs?”

“Devilled eggs?”

“The easter eggs, the ones you were supposed to hide,” Clarke huffs in annoyance, but Murphy just looks on with confusion. 

“That wasn’t my job, I was cooking.”

“No, you said you were coming early to hide the eggs, they’re in your car, I put them there.” 

_ Now _ the recognition flickers over his face, followed by mild panic, not enough in Bellamy’s opinion but still. Murphy whips his head around to where the children are still unsuccessfully searching for the eggs. 

“I knew there was something I forgot this morning” Murphy curses, “err, I’m sorry?”

“Don’t apologize to us” Clarke snorts, “go say it to them.”

“Foods ready” He shouts instead, at least that brings some happiness. 

“Go get the eggs and hide them before I flush your head down the toilet” Clarke says through gritted teeth and a forced smile. Murphy nods and rushes to his car, for someone so little, Clarke can be scary when she wants to be, he’s a little scared by her right now. 

And a little turned on, but he’s putting that thought into a box to come back to later. 

Madi sits between them at the table, he’s pretty sure she’d be sitting on Clarke’s lap if she was allowed. It’s sweet, how much she’s idolised by this little girl. Bellamy hadn’t ever put much thought into it, having children or anything like that, but right now he could see Clarke as a mother, she’s more loving and maternal than he thought, he’s seeing her in a different light for the first time.

They finally manage to do the egg hunt, and while it’s easier than last time, it’s still not that easy. However, Murphy still somehow seems to attract a crowd of followers, small children following Murphy’s lead could be dangerous.

He’s glad he came to this, it was a far cry from the usual work events and getting drunk they were used to doing as holidates. Clarkes sat around with a group of children who look at her with so much admiration, he had no idea she was like this. 

“You’ve got heart eyes” Raven says from behind him, making him jump. 

“I do not” he mutters, he most certainly wasn’t making heart eyes at Clarke. He just admires this new side of her is all. 

Raven snorts though, she can see right through him. “Sure you don’t. That’s why you suggested going on several dates a year.”

“It’s not like” he rolls his eyes, she says it like he’s got this epic plan to coerce Clarke into dating him. “It’s convenient is all.”

“Yeah, because you need help getting a date.”

“I need help keeping away from the crazy dates. Speaking of which, did Clarke tell you Bree and Finn are dating now?”

Raven’s eyes widen in surprise, and he’s successfully diverted the topic and kept away from an awkward conversation. 

The last thing he needs is to get feelings for Clarke now.

**_Cinco de Mayo_ **

There are some perks to Clarkes job, while there’s not a lot of downtime, her clients are usually great - especially when they show their gratitude in presents. Especially when those presents are tickets to the biggest Cinco de Mayo festival in town. 

While it’s not exactly a holiday she needs a date for, she invites Bellamy anyway. Sure, she could have invited Josie or Raven or any of her girlfriends, she enjoys her time with Bellamy the most. 

She won’t think about the feelings that are creeping up, she just pretends they don’t exist. They’re best friends, nothing more, nothing less. She definitely isn’t thinking about the way he was looking at her Easter, the sun was in his eye, that was all. 

She’ll definitely need Tequila tonight. Luckily, it’s not awkward between them, she thinks it was probably just her imagination, or wishful thinking. Of course Bellamy doesn’t like her, what could he possibly see in her that he can’t get anywhere else? There’s practically a line of girls drooling over Bellamy, just hoping he’ll make eye contact with them. 

“Cheers” Bellamy grins, holding his shot glass out to her, she clinks her with his and licks the salt off her hand. She’s never got used to the burn of the tequila, but she quite likes the after effects. She can forget that she’s possibly got a crush on Bellamy.

That’s all it is, a crush. Everyone gets them, it’s totally normal. Bellamy’s not exactly unattractive, either. She’ll get it over it, it’s not like she has a chance with him anyway,

Tequila does not take her mind off of it. It makes it so much worse, because Tequila makes for loose lips. It’s not her though - Bellamy has somehow managed to divert the conversation to sex, and that most definitly is not helping her impure thoughts about her bestfriend. 

“When was the last time you actually had good sex, though?” he questions suddenly, it comes out of the blue, they weren't even talking about anything remotely close to that. 

“Excuse me?” She splutters, trying hard not to spit out her drink all over him. 

“Good sex, not just sex, but really good sex, you know?”

Clarke doesn’t know how to respond to that, Jesus talking about sex with Bellamy was her idea of hell right now. She signals to the bartender for more Tequila, she was definitely going to need it if this is how the conversations going. 

“I don’t think ever,” Clarke confesses when she’s had a bit more alcohol and has a looser tongue. “Like maybe hookups, but there’s nothing like, solid, you know?”

She takes another shot of Tequila, another shot of losing her inhibition. “What about you?”

He thinks about it for a second, but not long enough in Clarke’s opinion. “St Patricks day.”

“Are you kidding me? Who? When? You were with me and Gabriel and Josie the entire night, when did you even get the chance?” She demands, how could he have possibly had sex after that?

“The bartender” he shrugs, “she slipped me her number and I waited until her shift was over.”

“Are you kidding me?” She repeats, mainly because she can’t think of anything else to say. In her drunken state, she’s spiralling, but she needs to not show that she’s spiralling, because that’s going to lead to questions, and questions are going to lead to an awkward conversation she is nowhere near ready for. 

Instead, she drops her head to the bar and groans “I’m going to die alone”

“You won’t die alone,” Bellamy assures her with a pat on her shoulder, “I don’t think Raven’s going to settle down either, you can be old maids together.”

“Very reassuring,” she mutters into the sticky bar. She should really get her head off this, god only knows what's on here. 

“I thought so,” Bellamy grins, proud of himself. 

“I’m going to need a few more shots over here” Clarke calls to the bartender. Maybe she’ll sleep with him. 

*

When she wakes, her back aches and she’s cold. She’s more uncomfortable than she can ever remember being, which is odd considering her bed is so comfortable.

But she’s not in her bed, she’s on the sofa - on Bellamy’s chest. 

Shit. 

She doesn’t remember how she got there, she doesn’t remember much at all about the night before, for that matter. She knows there was a lot of Tequila, and god was the talking about sex with Bellamy? That wasn’t the best move.

Bellamy - she suddenly remembers the predicament she’s in, which is lying on a very naked Bellamy’s chest. She’s wearing his shirt and underwear, that can’t be good. 

She still can’t remember anything. 

“Morning Princess” Bellamy croaks underneath her, Clarke freezes, in her panic, she hadn’t checked to see if Bellamy was asleep or not. 

“Don’t princess me” she scoffs, “what the hell happened last night?”

“Beats me” Bellamy shrugs, “all I can remember is Tequila and then - this.”

“You’re naked” she points out in a whisper, Bellamy frowns, then nods.

“So I am.”

Oh god, she did not have sex with Bellamy, no way, no chance. She would not do that, she wouldn’t ruin their friendship like that. She doesn’t think Bellamy would, either. 

“Did we…” She cringes even as she says it, she can’t finish the sentence, she doesn’t want to. 

“No idea, it would appear that way.” How the hell was he so calm about this? Is this something he’s used to, sleeping with friends? She doesn’t want to know the answer to that. 

Awkwardly, she crawls from under the blanket, her underwear is on the floor which is suspect to say the least. She shuffles towards her room, picking up her clothes as she goes. She throws his boxers back to him without looking at him.

When Clarkes finally finds the courage to face Bellamy again, he’s cooking breakfast in her kitchen, something she never thought she’d ever see, and it’s not helping with her crush, either. 

“Your cupboards are diabolical, how are you even still alive? You have like, no food in your entire apartment.” He’s not being awkward, he’s just being Bellamy, which she’s grateful for. 

In all honesty, she doesn’t actually think they slept together, there’s no telltale signs of  _ the morning after _ , aside from wearing his clothes. Whatever happened last night, she doesn’t think it involved sex, or finishing it at least. 

She can only pray that she never remembers.

**_4th July_ **

Bellamy’s not sure how their plan to have a quiet celebration for 4th July ended up with them all renting out a beach house and wiping out several walmarts alcohol supply, but here they are, with more vodka than clothes on their way.

Bellamy rides shotgun with Raven driving, Clarke’s squashed in the back with Jasper and Monty. He turns around every so often to see her getting more and more pissed off with them. He has sympathy for her, he really does, but it’s hilarious to watch from the outside. 

It takes at least four hours to get there, with every passing hour Raven and Bellmay take a bet at what time Clarke’s going to kill Jasper and Monty. Bellmay hopes she pushes them out onto the highway, Raven goes a little more brutal with a whack around the head with the Vodka bottle she’s drinking from. 

He’s trying his hardest not to make things awkward after  _ the incident, _ they both seem to be making a conscious effort around it, but he doesn’t want his time with Clarke to be spent trying not to be awkward. She’s his best friend, and whatever did or did not happen after the Cinco de Mayo festival is irrelevant, it’s not like either of them remember it anyway. 

He’s not going to deny that he likes her, but he’s not going to ruin their friendship over that, she’s too important to him. So he’ll talk to her when they get there and let bygones be bygones. 

Clarke practically jumps from the car when they finally arrive, the beachouse is bigger than he expected, he’s definitely not complaining. Murphy’s already got the barbeque going, his shirt abandoned somewhere as he proudly flips the burgers.

“What the hell took you so long?” Murphy demands with a grin.

“Jasper had to pee on the hour, every hour.” Clarke mutters, rubbing her temples. “Then they had to stretch their legs and smoke and be generally very annoying.”

“Hey” Jasper protests, “you were smoking too, and drinking.”

“I wonder why,” Clarke mutters, stretching her back out.

“Clarke got stuck in the back with them” Raven smirks, starting to unload her jeep. “And Bellamy refused to swap with her so expect cranky Clarke for at least a few hours.”

“I’m not cranky” Clarke snaps with a grimace, “I just have a headache, you would too if you had to listen to moonshine recipes for the last four hours.”

“Yeah but I didn’t, so I’m fine.” Raven grins, passing Bellamy a bag filled with bottles.

He squeezes Clarkes shoulder as he passes her, silently telling her that it’s alright. They get settled in their rooms, he’s managed to get his own room despite being one of the last to come, but Clarke and Raven have to share. 

“You good?” He asks when he can finally get a second alone with Clarke, so far she’s managed to dodge being alone with him at any point. They’re sat on the beach, the suns just about to set and turns their world a brilliant orange.

“Yeah I’m good” Clarke smiles, “my headaches gone and I’ve kept firmly away from whatever the hell Jasper and Monty’s doing.” 

Monty and Jasper are setting up the fireworks, there’s no way that’s going to go well. He won’t ruin their fun just yet, maybe just take over when it comes to lighting the explosives. Murphy lighting a fire, and while it’s safer than Jasper and Monty being around, Bellamy’s always a little concerned at how much Murphy enjoys playing with fire.

“Look, Clarke, about what happened after the festival, can we just pretend it never happened? I don’t want to spend all this weekend feeling awkward, you’re my best friend, I don’t want to lose that.”

Clarke sighs in what he hopes is relief, they’re here for a long weekend, he just wants to have some fun and not have to worry about putting a foot wrong.

“Yeah, I’d like that. I don’t like things being awkward between us and let's face it, neither of us remember what happened, it’s not like we saw anything that’s making it awkward.”

“True” Bellamy snorts, “you hadn’t mentioned my third nipple so I’m guessing you didn’t look too closely.”

Clarke blinks in surprise, “your third what now?”

Bellamy just smirks at her, she laughs and bumps his shoulder with hers. “You’re the worst.”

“Yeah but you believed me for a minute there, didn’t you?”

She just shakes her head with a smile and shuffles a little closer to him. There’s his best friend, he wasn’t used to the distance, he doesn’t like it. The fires lit now and the nights dark, stars in full view here in a way they don’t see in the city. It makes him grateful to be here, sitting around the fire with his friends drinking cheap beer. 

They roast marshmallows over the fire and make jokes on each other's behalf, Murphy and Raven occasionally throw them a suspicious glance, he’s already had a talk off both of them, asking if he’s ever going to make a move on Clarke.

No, is the answer to that, he’s not going to make a move on her. He appreciates the concern though. He’s got a bad enough reputation that he knows Clarke would never consider dating him, she’d turned up her nose at the idea of being a fake date for the holidays, and by her reaction after Cinco de Mayo, she definitely didn’t think of him that way. There’s no point in even entertaining the idea. 

In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to put Murphy in charge of the explosives, but at the time they didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Apparently, Murphy didn’t see anything wrong with throwing the used fireworks into the bonfire. They should have seen the fire going up, it was inevitable really. 

The fireworks that hadn’t gone off properly were now going off just feet in front of them, they all scramble to get away as fast as they can, it’s not fast enough as he feels a burst of heat and pain grasp his arm as he’s trying to shield Clarke from the sparks flying at them. He hisses in pain and clutches it to his chest, the flames and sparks finally die down and they’re all left out of breath and shook up. 

“Shit, your arm,” Clarke hisses as she takes his arm gently and inspects it. 

“Murphy you idiot” Raven snaps, throwing her cup at him. It gets blown away by the wind and misses Murphy by a long shot, but the sentiment was there. 

“Sorry” Murphy winces, “I didn’t know it was going to explode though”

“Explosives in a fire is usually a recipe for disaster” Clarke snides from where she’s knelt next to him. “Bellamy needs to go to the emergency room, is everyone else okay?”

Everyone looks around at each other with a tentative nod, at least nobody was badly injured, that could have been a lot worse that what it actually was. 

“We need to cool that burn down, does anyone have any water?” Clarke demands, Jasper quickly hands her a red cup, she sniffs it and throws it back at him. “We are not putting vodka on his burn.”

Someone throws Clarke a bottle of water, and Murphy goes back to the beach house to get a wet dish towel to wrap around his arm until they can get to the ER.

“Please don’t say I’m the only one sober enough to drive,” Clarke pleads, but as it turns out, she is.

“You do have your license, right?” He asks, he’s never actually seen her drive before, she works from home and lives within walking distance of most places they go, or she takes an uber or gets a lift off someone.

“I’ve got it, I’m just - ”

“A shit driver” Raven finishes with a snort. He expects Clarke to have some sort of comeback for that, but she just shrugs and nods.

“I get nervous,” is all Clarke responds with, but with the pain in his arm, he’ll take a nervous driver over sitting in the sand any longer. 

“Take my Jeep” Raven offers, “The keys are my bag.”

“Great,” Clarke mutters “a big car in the dark.”

“You’ll be fine” he assures her, he just really needs to get somewhere they can inject painkillers into him. 

Nervous driver was an understatement. Clarkes too scared to press the gas and release the break. 

“Clarke I don’t want to push you but I’m in a lot of pain” He winces, they’re in the middle of nowhere and it would take forever for the emergency services to get there, he imagines 4th of July weekend isn’t exactly quiet. “I believe in you.”

Clarke throws him a skeptical look, but finally releases the brake and presses on the gas - way too hard, and Raven’s Jeep smashes into the side of Murphy’s car. Clarke squeaks in panic and puts the car into reverse. 

“Gently” he murmurs, like you would to an injured bird. “Just tap the gas.”

She does tap the gas, it’s barely enough to move it away from Murphy’s car, but it’s enough to make the metal screech. Bellamy doesn’t look at Murphy, who's watching from the sidelines, he does not want to see his face right now. Clarke finally gets far enough away from Murphy’s car, she slams the brakes on and they both lurch forward.

“You can drive, right?” Bellamy mutters, still holding onto his arm in pain. 

“I have a licence,” she replies with a wince, he’s never seen her unsure of herself before, he’d analyse it a bit more if she wasn’t in so much pain. 

“As long as that licence can get us to the hospital.”

It can get them to the hospital, just not very quickly. Bellamy doesnt think they go over 10mph, and somehow, Clarke still manages to hit the curb every couple of minutes. Cars beep at them in anger as they overtake, there’s a long stream of traffic behind them waiting to get away from her.

He’s not really paying too much attention to where they’re going, but he’s pretty sure they’ve been down this street before, several times, actually. 

“Do you know where we’re going?” he tentatively asks, but he already knows the answer to it. 

“To the hospital,” Clarke mutters, but even now she sounds unsure of herself.

“Do you know where the hospital is?”

She bites her lip and cringes, “No. I’ve never been here before. I don’t really know where we are.”

Blue lights flash from behind, and Bellamy groans, how did this night end up going so wrong? Clarke pulls over, hitting the curb again. She’ll have to pay Raven to get her tyres fixed. 

“Ma’am,” The officer sighs as he comes around to the drivers side. “Is there a reason you’re going so slow?”

Clarke blinks, Bellamy wonders idly how she’s going to react to this, he doesn’t expect the tears, though. “I need to get him to the hospital but I don’t know where the hospital is and it’s my friend's car and I’m scared of driving and all his arms burnt up. It’s my fault because I saw Murphy putting the fireworks on the bonfire and thought it was a bad idea but I didn’t stop him, then Bellamy was just trying to protect me and now he’s burnt and I don’t know where I’m going.”

The officer just stares at her for a moment, dumbfounded and shocked. “Someone put fireworks on a fire?”

“Yes, and then it exploded and burnt Bellamy’s arm.”

“You’re Bellamy?” The officer nods at him, Bellamy nods back in confirmation. “Your arms burnt?”

In lieu of an answer, he takes the wet towel off his arm and shows the officer the angry red burn covering his forearm and elbow. The officer winces when he sees it.

“You should go to the hospital about that.”

“We’re trying” Clarke snaps through her tears, “but I don’t know where it is.”

“Okay” The officer sighs, “Follow me, and keep up please, I can’t be driving like a granny because you’re scared of the road.”

Clarke nods and grips the wheel, waiting for the officer to lead the way. Luckily Clarke does keep up with the officer, and they finally get to the emergency department. It’s more packed than he could have imagined, he sinks into the hard plastic chair while Clarke checks them in. She sits down next to him and squeezes his shoulder in apology. 

“They said it might be a bit of a wait.” He nods in response, he’d expected as much, considering it’s 4th July weekend, most people are probably there for stupid accicents like him, too. 

Finally, they get him through to a room and give him some morphine, he sinks into the bed in relief as a nurse puts a cooling pad on his arm while they wait for the doctor. He’s almost delirious now the pain reliefs kicked in, now he can finally laugh at the entire journey here. 

“What’s so funny?” Clarke murmurs with a quirk of her brow. He shakes his head and carries on laughing. “Seriously, what?”

“Everything, I didn’t know you were that bad at driving, or that good at getting out of tickets.”

She snorts delicately and looks away with a grin, “I wasn’t trying to get out of a ticket, I was trying to find the hospital.”

“You were driving at a snail's pace, you actually caused a traffic jam.”

“It worked out didn’t it? And we didn’t crash.”

“Apart from Murphy's car…”

“He deserved it.” She mutters, “I’ll do worse next time.”

He smiles and shuffles over on the bed, patting the space next to her. “Hey,” he murmurs, “come on.”

She’s hesitant, but finally she climbs onto the bed next to him and rests her head on his shoulder, for a moment, he has to calm his breathing so he doesn’t show how much it affects him, having her so close. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he tries not to overthink it, but it feels so damn domestic. He could just let himself forget that they’re in a tiny hospital cubicle, he could pretend that they’re back on the beach before Murphy started throwing explosives onto the fire. He could pretend that this is a completely normal thing for friends to do.

He lets himself pretend that she feels the same way about him.

**_Halloween_ **

Clarke is more than annoyed that she let Bellamy pick out their matching costumes, she’ll call it a moment of madness though, and be done with it. Because now she’s standing in her apartment with Josie and Raven howling on her bed. 

“It’s not funny,” she mutters, trying to pull the toga down. “It’s ridiculous.”

“It is,” Raven agrees between her fits of giggles. “But it’s just so Bellamy. Hes dressing you up like greek gods. Greek gods who slept together, by the way.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and turns away from the mirror so they can’t see her blush. It’s embarrassing enough as it is that they all know about her crush - and that’s all it is. It’s worse that they’re trying to convince her to make a move, as if Bellamy would ever go for her when he has more or less the pick of anyone he likes.

“Shut up” she mutters, “You know that’s not what’s going on here.”

“Oh come on, are you blind, Clarke?” Josie snorts, “He likes you too, do you think he’d have dressed you up like  _ that _ if you didn’t want to jump your bones?”

“Why would he want to jump my bones when he gets first pick of anyone out there? If he wanted to then he’d have done it by now.” She mutters, finding a gold necklace from her jewelry box. 

“I’m not even arguing with her anymore,” Raven groans, letting her head fall onto the bed. “Bellamy’s just as bad, I actually give up.”

“Let’s go,” Clarke sighs dejectedly, at least they’re going to a club, it’ll be dark and no one will see her. Or so she hopes, anyway.

Bellamy somehow looks better in a toga than she does, which shouldn’t be possible, and is grossly unfair. 

“What are we even supposed to be?” Clarke mutters, taking a shot of something bright green Murphy passed her. She doesn’t question it, just throws it back and hopes it takes away some of her embarrassment at her costume.

Shots probably weren’t the best idea, in all honesty. The last time she’d let herself have a few too many shots she’s woken up in Bellamy’s underwear. 

“What do you mean what are we?” Bellamy frowns, looking down at his toga. “I’m Zeus and you can be pretty much any goddess you want.”

It’s nice, the amount of attention to detail he’s gone into with their costumes. 

“Wasn’t Zeus the biggest dick going who couldn’t keep it in his toga?” Clarke question disdainfully.

“Well, yeah. Metaphorically it’s me during college, a bit of a dick, slept with everyone going.” He shrugs like it was obvious. 

Slept with everyone but her. Not that she was complaining, they didn’t exactly get along in College, there wasn't a chance in hell she’d have even been in the same room as each other, let alone sleep with him.

Now, it was a different story completely. 

A red cup with punch in is shoved under her nose, she takes it without question and Murphy smirks, she's sure he’s trying to get her drunk. She’s also pretty sure that he’s spiked it, since there’s no way anyone would let something this strong out to the masses.

It’s working, though. She doesn’t care about her stupid short outfit, or the fact that Bellamy keeps touching her. She does care about the casual flirting going on between Raven and Murphy though. She nudges Bellamy and points them out.

“Now this has been a long time coming,” Bellamy snorts, taking a sip of the punch then wincing. 

“I’d give it a week before they killed each other.” She shrugs, watching as Raven flicks her hair over shoulder and giggles. Clarke has never, ever seen Raven do that before. If she’d have been asked if she thought Raven was even capable of that, she’d have laughed.

“Nah, they just need to get all of that sexual tension out and they’ll be fine.”

Clarke tries not to heave at the thought of her friends having sex. Especially not them two. 

“What’s going on?” Josie asks, coming up beside them. She’s wearing a matching explorers outfit with Gabriel, at least they look cute. 

“We’re watching Raven and Murphy flirt, it’s weird,” Clarke frowns, Josie follows her gaze and watches for a few minutes with a look of mild disgust.

“I bet you 20 bucks they sleep together tonight,” Josie holds her hand out to Clarke, usually, she knows better than to make bets with her, but she’s pretty sure she’ll win this one.

“Oh you’re on” Clarke shakes her hand, sealing the deal so she can’t back out. “Raven needs to have at least a week of freaking out before she’ll sleep with anyone.”

“If you say so” Josie shrugs, “have you seen the pregnant hula girl walking around? Freaked me right out.”

“She’s dressed as a pregnant hula girl or she’s pregnant dressed as a hula girl?” Clarke grimaces, either way it’s a strange costume, not that Clarke’s one to judge tonight. 

“If that’s not a real bump I’ll add more money onto the bet.”

“Suits me just fine” Clarke shrugs, whatever’s in the punch is strong, almost as strong as Josie’s cocktails at Christmas. She’s well passed the ‘buzzed’ stage, she’s close on staggering now. Which is how she ended up possibly sleeping with Bellamy.

The clubs packed though, and it’s Halloween so it’s not like anyone cares about Clarke being drunk. So she lets herself loose a bit and pulls Bellamy onto the dance floor. She knows he can’t dance, it’s probably the one thing he can’t do well, aside from intimacy and commitment. 

But that’s kind of what she likes about him, them tiny flaws that he doesn’t even try to disguise, just blushes and laughs about them with everyone else. He doesn’t take himself seriously enough to be too self conscious about this stuff.

She always has the most fun with him, though. For that exact reason - she can let loose with him, he won’t judge her or laugh at her. So apart from being on high alert for her too short toga riding up, she has the most fun she’s had in a long time. Her stupid crush on Bellamy isn’t bringing her down, either. She hasn’t forgotten about it, but she can sure as hell embrace it, just for tonight.

That’s when she sees her - the pregnancy hula girl. If that’s a fake bump then Clarke’s got some real good money coming her way. She doubts it though, that girl is definitely heavily pregnant, so Clarke’s not winning any extra. She does vaguely recognises pregnant hula girl though, she just can’t figure out from where.

Bellamy follows her gaze, and abruptly stops dancing, he certainly recognises her. 

“That’s - ” Bellamy starts, but he doesn’t need to finish that sentence, because Finn Collins saunters towards pregnant hula girl, and it all clicks into place then.

“Oh no,” Clarke mutters, “this can’t be happening, this cannot be real.”

Finn and Bree notice them then, looking over with a smirk. The look of trepidation on Bellamy’s face says this is happening, and to both of their horror it is happening. 

Finn winds an arm around Bree’s waist as they approach them, a smug air settling over them, it is Halloween after all, something spooky had to be going on.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Finn smirks, there’s that judgmental stare that she always hated. As if he held any morality over her.

“Fancy indeed” Clarke blinks, “and you have a very realistic looking bump.” 

“Oh, its not fake, I’m 8 and a half months pregnant,” Bree proudly cradles the not fake bump, and Clarkes heart sinks.

“Oh, right. Well that’s fantastic. How many other girls did you get pregnant, Finn?” Clarke’s trying very hard to keep her anger at bay, how can he fail to stay faithful to her or Raven but commits to a - what, a revenge relationship? 

“None,” Finn mutters with a roll of his eyes, like  _ she’s _ the absurd one. “Are you ever going to let that go?”

Clarke scoffs, and this is just so typically Finn, to put the blame on her, make her seem like she’s crazy when in fact it’s his own shitty defence mechanism for being such a terrible person. 

If she was a rational, sober person, she would explain calmly that that’s what he’s doing. She would lay down the ground, tell him that he was the toxic one, that he just brings destruction wherever he goes and Bree should run a mile.

Unfortunately, she is not a rational or a sober person right now, so what comes out is “are you actually kidding me? You’re a jerk with monogamy issues and you expect us believe that knocking up some girl on the rebound magically changed you? I hope that baby’s not even yours, i hope - ”

“Okay,” Bellamy interrupts, pulling her away. “You’re sounding like a terrible person right now, let's get you some more alcohol.”

“Oh trust me, there’s a lot worse I could say right now.”

“I know, that's why I’m pulling you away.”

She’s slightly less seething by the time they get back to the punch table, if she’d have given herself even a few more seconds before jumping into her argument with Finn then maybe she’d have sounded a bit more rational.

Probably not though. 

She drinks the cup of punch Bellamy passes her in one go, it burns on the way down but she doesn’t care. 

Raven storms over then, with a sheepish looking Murphy following close after. “Have you seen Finn?” She demands, Bellamy groans next to her.

“We’ve seen Finn,” he mutters, “and Bree. Clarke had a few things to say to them.”

“So did Raven, I’d have paid good money to see him get his ass handed to him by the two of them.” Murphy smirks, they should have known he’d be the one to not be taking this seriously. 

“It’s not funny,” Clarke sighs now she’s finally calming down a bit more. “He’s an ass, and I cannot believe he got Bellamy’s ex pregnant.”

All eyes turn to Bellamy, who she’s just noticed has gone very, very pale. “Not gonna lie,” his voice cracks nervously “For a minute I thought it was my kid.”

“When did you last sleep with her?” Raven frowns, giving him a once over.

“Christmas,” he shrugs, Clarke wonders if his math is really bad or if he genuinely doesn't understand how long girls are pregnant for. “I never claimed to be that clever.”

Josie rushes over then, out of breath but eyes alight the way they do when she has gossip. “Pregnant hula girl,” she pants, pointing between Clarke and Raven “is with your ex.”

“We know,” Clarke crosses are arms and raises her eyebrows at her, despite everything she’s glad she’s finally got one up on Josie.

“You do? Damn, I really thought I was onto something here.”

“Clarke said she hopes the baby isn’t his.” Bellamy mutters, that wasn’t her proudest moment.

“Raven threw her drink over him,” Murphy grins.

“Josie stamped on his foot,” Gabriel comes up behind her, wrapping and arm around her. It makes Clarke both happy and sad. She’s happy Josie’s found her person, she really is, but it also makes her sad that she’ll never find that. She’ll have to spend her life watching everyone find that but her. Even Finn.

She nudges Bellamy, telling him she’s going. She’s no longer in the mood for more alcohol or dancing. She’s had enough vodka that it’s made her depressed now, so she says her goodbyes and makes her way out. She’s surprised when Bellamy wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in close. 

There’s a comfortable silence in the cab ride home, which she’s grateful for. She couldn’t deal with awkward small talk when she wants to drunkenly wallow in self pity. They’re in the elevator going up to her apartment when it finally clicks, Bree’s 8 and a half months pregnant, which means…

“I’m going to be sick,” Clarke groans, Bellamy stares at her in wide eyes concern. “They’re having a valentines baby.”

“What?” Bellamy frowns “Who’s having a valentines baby?”

“Finn and Bree. She’s due in two weeks, halfway through November, what was 9 months ago?”

It clicks for him too, but he’s nowhere near as horrified by it as she is. He’s not going to die alone, though.

Something worse though, she wasn’t being dramatic when she said she was going to be sick, she can feel the familiar burn of the vodka and whatever the hell was in the punch coming back up. There’s nothing she can do to stop it, and the elevators painfully slow.

“I’m really going to - ” her warnings cut off by the alcohol and pizza she’s consumed in the last five hours making an appearance, on Bellamy’s toga and sandals. 

The elevator door opens then, a disgusted elderly couple staring at them. They’re not as disgusted at Clarke is at herself though. To say she’s mortified is an understatement. The elevator doors close without them getting in, she wouldn’t willingly step into this mess either.

“I’m sorry,” she can’t even look at Bellamy right now, oh god he’s probably looking at her in disgust too. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Clarke, it’s alright. Let’s just go and get you cleaned up.” The door finally opens on her floor, but Clarke can’t move from the spot. The smell in the elevator is vile, but probably not as bad as what Bellamy’s thinking right now.

He guides her out of the elevator and takes the key from her purse, letting them into her apartment. He doesn’t hesitate to help her shower, as much as she just kind of wants to be alone right now. 

She’s got a shirt of his left at her place that he can put on, she throws on her sleep shorts and a tank top and crawls into bed.

“You don’t have to stay,” she murmurs when he climbs in next to her. “I’m not that drunk, I swear.”

“I know,” he smiles, brushing the hair out of her face. “If you really want to be alone right now you can tell me and I’ll leave, but I know you, I know when you hate to be alone, even if you are embarrassed.”

She groans into the pillow, “embarrassed isn’t even the word right now, I’m mortified. You’re going to tell everyone about the time I puked on you in an elevator.”

“I wouldn’t dare.”

“Good,” she pauses, he does know her, because right now she hates the thought of being alone, she hates the thought of lying here thinking about dying alone. “I don’t want to be alone,” she confesses quietly, Bellamy just smiles back at her.

“I know,” he whispers, before turning out the lights out and settling down next to her. The room spins in the darkness, but she takes some comfort in Bellamy spinning next to her.

She would never be so lucky to have forgotten the night before events. She wakes with a fuzzy head and a dry mouth, but her memories are perfectly intact. Bellamy’s still next to her, she just hopes their friendships still intact.

There’s a glass of water on the bedside table next to her, Bellamy must have put it there when she was asleep. She appreciates it more than he knows.

“Hey,” his voice is deep and gravelly from sleep, it makes her jump more than it should have. “Sleep alright?”

She winces at the thought of everything that happened last night. “Better than I think I deserve,” she turns towards him after taking a drink, he’s not looking at her any differently, maybe there’s a touch of pity there, but luckily no disgust after she puked all over him. 

“Can I ask you something?” He asks, it’s not what she was expecting him to say, so she’s thrown a bit by the question. Nerves swirl in her stomach though, she has no idea where it’s going to lead, she has no idea what he could possibly want to know.

“Sure” she nods, and tries not to show how nervous she is.

“Why were you so freaked out last night? I get that seeing your ex moving on is never easy, but you seemed really spooked by it.”

There’s always a choice when someone asks you for a deep and meaningful answer. She could easily say that she was drunk, that it wasn’t actually that deep and she’s still pissed off at Finn and shrug it off.

Or - she could tell him the truth, all of her fears that she’s kept hidden deep down.

With a deep breath, she makes a quick decision that she knows she’s only going to regret. 

“My mom seems to think I’m unlovable and I’m going to die alone. I never paid that much attention to her but, it kind of just crashed down last night I guess. Everyone’s going to end up as a couple and I’m going to have my work and maybe a cat if I can commit to one.”

Bellamy snorts at her confession and shakes his head like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. 

“You’re not unlovable Clarke, Jesus that’s got to be the furthest thing from the truth. Does your mom even know you? I mean really, actually know you? You’re the kindest, most selfless person I know. You’re passionate about everything you do, does she even know how good of an artist you are? I’ve never seen anyone so talented and all she seems to care about is that she lost bragging rights of having another doctor in the family. You’re not going to die alone just because your mother can’t see your worth.”

Nobody has ever said that about her, she didn’t even think anyone thought about her like that - if at all to be honest. She doesn’t know how to process it, but Bellamy’s staring at her so earnestly it almost brings her to tears.

Instead of crying, she does something that could irreversibly ruin their friendship, or it could change it for the better, there would be no more wanting, no more longing. She shuffles closer to him, so close her nose almost bumps into his.

“Do you really mean that?” She whispers, Bellamy’s breath hitches as he nods. He’s affected by her too, his eyes dart down to her lips, she takes it as an invitation, or a sign, or an impulse, but she leans forward slowly, giving him plenty of time to back out. But he doesn’t back out, instead he leans to meet her, lips touching hers softly, slow at first, tentative and testing, but it’s not any less magical than what she thought kissing Bellamy would be. 

She cradles his cheek, brushing her thumb over his cheek and sighs into the kiss as he winds his arms around her waist and pulls her in close. She forgets all about last night, about Finn and her fears of dying alone, she forgets about drinking too much and puking all over him. 

For just that moment, she forgets about the world, all that matters is Bellamy’s lips on hers.

Then - reality crashes in on them as somebody tries to bang down her apartment door. There’s a moment where they both stare at each other, in shock or amazement at what just happened. But the person outside isn’t going anywhere, so she scurries out of bed and away from Bellamy.

Ravens still in her costume from the night before, her sexy astronaut outfit looks a little worse for wear though.

“I had a disaster,” she announces, storming into the apartment and collapsing on the sofa. Clarke closes the door behind her and crosses her arms over her chest, unsure of herself. Bellamy’s in the bedroom still, waiting for her to come back and Raven’s here with some unknown disaster. 

“What happened?” Clarke asks cautiously, Raven has been known for being a little on the dramatic.

“I slept with Murphy,” Raven sinks her head into her hands, but all Clarke can do is stare. If she thought kissing Bellamy was something, this has blown her news out of the water completely. 

“I’m sorry, that sounds a lot like you just said you slept with Murphy.”

Raven lifts her head long enough to glare at her, “Yes that’s what I said, do you see why it’s a disaster?”

Clarke doesn’t get a chance to answer, Bellamy comes out of her room wearing last night's toga, she can vaguely remember him washing it in the shower, but surely it’s still got to smell at least a little bit. She blushes with embarrassment when she thinks of everything the last 12 hours have brought. 

Raven looks between the two of them in question, Bellamy’s looking at her in challenge, asking what she’s going to do now.

“What’s going on here?” Raven asks, a slight accusation to her tone.

Another choice. Bellamy’s right there, telling her to say something, telling her to say something, asking her not to let him leave. But he’ll only regret that, how could he not? She got him at a moment of vulnerability, he felt sorry for her, of course he did, last night was a pathetic sight to say the least. 

“Nothing” Clarke murmurs, “there’s nothing going on.”

The door slams behind Bellamy and on her heart.

**_Thanksgiving_ **

Things have been awkward since the Halloween incident, she can’t deny it, Bellamy’s been avoiding her and she’s been avoiding Bellamy. Their friends have noticed, even Josie, who only ever pays attention to herself has noticed. 

But it’s thanksgiving, and they’re both still single. She asked him via text and he accepted, so that’s something at least. Her mother just sighed when she told her, disappointed and dejected.

“Do you ever think you’ll be normal and find an actual boyfriend?” She mutters as she mixes the stuffing. She’s insisted on cooking thanksgiving dinner by herself, despite the fact she’s a terrible cook. She won’t be told though, she’ll probably just get takeout later.

“I think I’m a bit too unlovable for that,” Clarke mutters back, picking at her nails. 

“I’m afraid that’s the case now,” her mother sighs, looking at her with that disappointed look she despises. “Maybe if you got a proper job and made an effort once in a while you might get somewhere.”

“You know, you don’t have to be mean to me all time. I know I didn’t turn out the way you wanted me to, but I’ve still got a damn good life, did you ever care about me being happy?”

“Oh for gods sake, stop being so dramatic, Clarke.” The ovens starting to smoke, Clarke doesn’t care. She turns away and goes to the living room where everyone’s watching the parade. 

Raven and Murphy are sat as far away from each other as possible, the tension thick between them. Clarke never did tell Josie that they’d slept together, no way was she losing that bet.

At least it wasn't just her with a dysfunctional relationship right now.

She sits with Josie and Gabriel instead. Despite Josie’s faults, they make a good couple, Clarke’s happy they’ve found that happiness in each other. 

“Smells like burning,” Josie sing songs with a smirk.

“Of course it does, she’s cooking.” Clarke mutters with a roll of her eyes. What else does anyone expect from a holiday at home? From the armchair, Marcus winces when the smoke detector goes off.

“Where’s Bellamy, anyway?” Josie asks, ignoring the obnoxiously loud beeping from the kitchen.

“He texted me earlier, he’s on his way.” Clarke tells her coolly, eyes glued to the parade. 

“So what’s going on with you guys anyway? You’re almost as frosty as them two over there.” She jerks her head towards Murphy and Raven, who are still glaring at each other. 

“Nothing’s going with us,” it was painfully true, there was absolutely nothing going on there. Since their kiss, they’ve both built up walls high enough neither of them can get to one another. 

It’s painful and it’s sad, Bellamy’s her best friend and she’s lost him, ruined the best thing they had in a moment of weakness. 

“Clarke,” her mother finally emerges from the kitchen, looking much worse for wear. “I need you to go to the store for me.”

At least it’ll stop Josie from probing into her life. 

“Okay fine, what did you burn?”

As it turns out, there’s a long list of things she’s burned, and getting these things at 2pm on Thanksgiving was going to be a challenge, but its one she’ll willingly accept.

She pulls open the door and Bellamy’s standing there, blinking sheepishly at her. “Oh, hi”

“Hi,” she breathes, not trusting her voice enough to say anymore. She’s rooted to the spot, knowing she has to move but she can’t - until her mother pushes her and tells her to go already.

“Don’t crash into my car,” Murphy shouts as the door slams behind her.

“I’m going shopping,” She explains, “my mom burnt like, half the dinner, you can come if you like?”

“Sure,” he smiles tightly and follows her to Josie’s mini, it’s small enough that she trusts herself to drive, and the weather's fine so she’s not as scared of the other cars.

There’s awkward silence between them that’s foreign. It’s been a long time since she didn’t know what to say to him, and she’s never heard silence quite so loud before. She’s grateful for the background chatter when they get to the store. She throws items carelessly into the trolley, the sooner they get out of here the better.

“So we’re just not going to talk about this, then?” Bellamy grumbles as she looks at the yams. Her mother had ben very specific - get yams, not sweet potato.

“What’s the difference between yams and sweet potato? I really didn’t think there was one.”

“Seriously, Clarke? You’re really going to do this?”

“Do what?” She demands, “It’s not like you’ve been around or willing to talk either.”

“I’m here aren’t I? I’m trying to talk to you and you’re shutting me down like you do to everyone.”

It’s a low blow, she does not shut people down, and she’s not shutting him down. 

“Fine, say what you want to say.”

Bellamy scoffs and shakes his head at her in disbelief. “Say what I want to say? We should be having a conversation, not monologuing. But fine, here it goes, you kissed me - not the other way around. You kissed me then you tried to act like it never happened. You shut me out like you always do when feelings are involved.”

“You left,” she half shouts. She needs to try and keep her anger at bay, they are in public afterall, and it’s not like a club where people shrug you off as being drunk, and it’s not like Valentine’s Day where she had Bellamy to pull her away. “What did you expect me to think when you left?”

“I wanted you to tell me to stay, I wanted you to acknowledge what happened. Instead you told Raven that it was nothing. Then you ignore me for weeks until you need me again, whenever I try to bring it up you shut me down and make out like it was a mistake.”

She wants to argue with him - more than anything she wants to tell him that he’s wrong, but he’s not. She’s scared - scared he’s going to shut her down, that he thought it was a mistake, that he kissed her back out of pity so she got ahead of the game

“So tell me - do you actually think it was a mistake, or are you scared? Because this is what you do, you let yourself feel then your build up impenetrable walls and shut everyone out. You had a meltdown because you think you’re unlovable and going to die alone but then shut out anyone who tries with you.” 

There it is, she never doubted that Bellamy would know her better than she knows herself, but she never expected him to call her out on it. She deserves to be called out on it, but she has no answer for him. There’s nothing she can say because of course she doesn’t think kissing him was a mistake, but shutting him out was. So why can’t she find the words to tell him that?

She’s waited too long, stayed silent and missed her chance because Bellamy’s shaking his head and storming away from her. People are staring and Clarke wants to cry - but she won’t, not here. She finishes her shopping instead and drives home, her thoughts not pleasant company right now, they say worse things than Bellamy, but it’s nothing she doesn’t deserve.

Bellamy was too good for her anyway, she always knew that, now he knows that, too. She had her chance and she blew it, now she has to face the consequences.

She’s already feeling pretty shitty by the time she gets home, she’s alone and she knows whatever she’s bought won’t be the right thing and her mother will moan. What she doesn’t expect though, is to walk into a screaming match between Raven and Murphy. She can’t really hear what it’s about, but she’s got a good idea. 

From the sidelines, Josie raises an eyebrow and smirks at her, she’s guessing she owes her the bet money now. Kanes watches with cautious amusement and her mothers trying to calm everyone down. It’s obviously not working, because the argument ends with Raven screaming and flinging a plate at Murphy’s head.

Except, for the first time in his life, Murphy has quick reflexes and manages to duck out of the way. Clarke on the other hand, does not have good reflexes.

That’s how she ends up with her mothers best china cutting her head open on Thanksgiving.

Gabriel offers to take her to the ER which is a good job really, because she’s in no state to drive, and she’s in no state to be around Raven or Murphy, either. The ERs packed when they get there, but she didn’t expect anything less.

“You can go,” she tells Gabriel with a sigh, still holding a bloodied dish towel to her head. “There’s no point in both of us missing my mother’s cooking.”

Gabriel smirks and shakes his head, “the plan was to miss it,” he tells her, it’s a fair point.

“Well you don’t have to spend your Thanksgiving stuck in the ER with me, i think it’s going to be at least a few hours before they see me.”

“Clarke,” he sighs, “I don’t care how long it takes, I’m not leaving you in the ER alone, there’s some very strange people here today, I don’t think your mother would forgive me if you got into some strange Thanksgiving ER related accident.”

“She’d probably thank you,” she snorts with a shrug.

“You know that’s not true,” Gabriel sighs, Clarke doesn’t answer, her head hurts too much to argue anymore.

Gabriel was right about there being some strange people here, and at least it serves as some amusement as she people watches. The last time she was in an ER waiting room was when Bellamy burned his arm on 4th July weekend, and she was consumed by panic and worry. Now she’s consumed by shame at how she’s treated him, and a fear she’ll never be able to make this right.

“So Bellamy didn't come back with you,” Gabriel murmurs, not looking up from where he’s scrolling through his phone.

“Nope,” she tries to shrug it off nonchalantly, as if it doesn’t bother her, as if shames not burning through her. “I did something stupid, I kissed him then tried to act like it didn’t happen.”

Gabriel frowns, he’s friends with Bellamy, he probably has more insight than she gives him credit. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” she sighs, “I just - I can’t face the thought of him rejecting me. He gets first pick of anyone, why would he pick me?”

Gabriels staring at her like she’s told him the sky’s green and it was snowing in August.

“Are you - do you actually think that? He’s in love with you, you do know that, right?”

“Well if he was, he isn’t anymore, I think he made that pretty clear in the middle of the store” she scoffs. She’s shown how dysfunctional she really is, she’s shown her emotional baggage and there’s no way he could want her after that.

“You’re both idiots,” Gabriel mutters, “I don’t know how either of you can function without talking about your emotions.”

“You’ve met my mother, right?”

They’re called through eventually, and as it turns out, Raven’s got a damn good arm. She comes out with 4 stitches and a mild concussion, it wouldn’t be a holiday without some sort of drama though. Deep down, she knows it’s some form of Karma for how she’s treated Bellamy, so she sucks it up.

It’s dark out by the time they get home, the house seems calmer and the smell of burnings gone now too. Raven and Murphy look guilty when they walk in, and Marcus tells them they’ve saved them a plate, but Clarkes not hungry, all she wants is to sleep this god awful day and headache away.

She curls up on her bed and squeezes her eyes shut, duvet pulled tight around her. Sleep won’t come though, her thoughts are too loud and her head pounds.

She’s not sure how long she’s been there when the bed dips next to her. She turns to see her mother sat up next to, looking down in what thinks might be concern. “I thought you were asleep,” she explains quietly.

“Nope,” Clarke sighs, “still awake, sorry to disappoint.”

“I’m not disappointed you’re still awake, a bit concerned, but not disappointed.”

Clarke hums, “makes a nice change then.”

Next to her, her mother sighs and brushes the hair out of Clarkes face. “You’re not a disappointment to me, Clarke. You might not have the life I wanted you to have, but you’re not a disappointment.”

“Well you’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Clarke mutters, ever since Clarke chose art over medicine in college, her mother’s never stopped pointing out the flaws in her plan, how very few artists really ‘make it’, and when she did get a job, how it didn’t pay as much as a doctor would have and how she doesn’t have the same kind of opportunities.

Clarke never wanted that life, the crazy hours and the night shifts, it was never her passion. Not that it ever made a difference where her passions lay.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I need to let you live your life.” It shocks Clarke, she wonders if her moms been possessed, or if she’s dreaming. How hard did that plate hit her? 

“What brought this on? Or am I dreaming?”

Her mom laughs softly in the darkness. “You’re not dreaming, I just realised that I don’t know anything about you anymore. You don’t tell me things or come see me unless it’s a holiday. We don’t have things in common anymore, I realised that I’ve lost my daughter without even realising it. I thought getting involved in the Orphanage would bring us closer, but it just caused more of a rift.”

Clarke doesn’t know what to say, she’s never heard her mother talk about feelings before, she wasn’t sure she was able. A tear slides down her cheek, her mother catches it with her thumb, then lies down next to her and wraps an arm around her.

“Go to sleep,” she whispers, “we’ll talk in the morning.”

**_(Almost) Christmas_ **

The malls packed the week before Christmas, it’s her own fault for leaving present shopping until the last minute, but Josie and Raven are in the same boat so she feels marginally better.

At least, that’s what they told her. She’s yet to see either of them buy an actual present. What they do keep doing though, is bringing up how miserable she’s been since Thanksgiving. She confessed everything the next day to Raven and Josie. Like Gabriel - they called her an idiot and told her to just talk to Bellamy.

Bellamy doesn’t want to talk to her, though. He’s avoiding her calls and she doesn't blame him one little bit. She’d be avoiding him too if the roles were reversed.

“Okay,” she announces when they finally emerge from the final store. She’s had enough of it all now. She hates shopping at the best of times, let alone at Christmas when it’s loud and busy and everything’s overpriced just because it’s Christmas. “I think I’m finished, if I haven’t, it’s too late because I am officially over Christmas shopping.”

“As long as you’ve got my present,” Josie shrugs, Clarke and Raven roll their eyes at each other, but they look about as done as she is. “Food?”

“Food,” Clarke and Raven agree, they may as well get something good from coming out to a packed mall. They make their way to the escalators, to their left is the shop she and Bellamy accidentally stole all the chocolate on Valentine’s Day. Clarke half smiles at the memory, but it adds to her misery too. 

Everyone’s right, she is an idiot. She should have talked to him while she had the chance, now she’s lost her best friend and the man she’s in love with.

Raven smacks her arm suddenly as they’re going down the escalator, rudely pulling her out of her thoughts. “Look,” she hisses, pointing to the opposite escalator, Bellamy’s facing straight ahead, he hasn’t seen them, or he’s pretending he hasn’t seen them, at least. 

“Go talk to him,” Raven insists, they’re almost at the top now, and Bellamy’s about to disappear into the crowds.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me, he’s been ignoring my texts and calls. I think it’s time to just let him be.” Clarke mutters, watching as Bellamy joins the crowd. She follows his dark hair, she could pick him out anywhere.

“That’s bullshit,” Josie snaps, it surprises Clarke, she’s never usually so outspoken about things like that. “You love him, and he loves you, you’re both just too damn dense to talk things out. Go do it, it’s Christmas and quite frankly, I’m sick of you moping around.”

Raven shoves her shoulder towards the escalator, “go, or we’ll do it for you.”

Taking a deep breath and passing her bags to Raven and Josie she follows him down the escalator. It’s now or never, she decides, and shoves her way down the escalator, muttering apologies she doesn’t mean as she tries to get down as fast as she can.

She swears there’s more people down here than before, and she’s lost Bellamy in the crowds, but that’s not going to stop her. She pushes her way through, there’s a choir singing on a stage up ahead which is making her life so much harder right now.

There’s one of two ways he could have gone, if she chooses the wrong way she’ll have lost him for sure. Instead, she shouts his name at the top of her lungs. Over and over, people are giving her dirt looks but she couldn’t care less, she needs to get to him.

Something unexpected happens though, someone joins in with her shouting, then someone else, then there’s an entire crowd of people calling Bellamy’s name. There’s no way he hasn’t heard, but she still doesn’t know where he is.

Then she gets an idea, it’s a terrible idea really, but it’s the best one she has right now. She climbs up onto the stage where the choirs singing a bad rendition of deck the halls, they should be thanking her for interrupting. 

She finally spots him, facing away from her and walking slowly through the crowd. She knows he’s heard people shouting, she’s got one last chance now, go big or go home. She snatches the microphone out of one of the choir singers hands, it squeals in protest as she swings it too close to the speakers, but it got Bellamy’s attention. He pauses, but doesn’t turn, not yet, anyway.

“Bellamy Blake,” she announces down the microphone, his spine stiffens at his full name being used, but at least she has his full attention again. “Please don’t walk away, not again.”

He turns slowly to face her on the stage, the hurt still clear on his face, she’s got one chance to make this right. Go big or go home.

“I don’t regret kissing you, you were right - I shut myself off from the world because I’m scared. I don’t want to be scared anymore, I’m in love with you, Bellamy. I’m in love with you and I don’t want to hide from that anymore. I love how passionate you are, I love how you go off on tangents when you talk about history. I love that you’re so completely selfless, you put everyone else before yourself and you never complain. Bellamy I love you, and I understand if you don’t want me, but I had to stop hiding behind my walls and tell you.”

Her mouths dry and her stomachs in knots, there’s an entire mall staring at her, watching her confess her deepest feelings. It probably wasn’t the most tactful way of doing it, but it was the kind of grand gesture that works in the movies, but maybe not in real life.

Bellamy’s staring at her through the crowds of people in shock, and suddenly she regrets making such a bold move. She’s lost him for sure now, and there’s no going back now.

But by some miracle, Bellamy smiles at her, wide and toothy and her heart skips and a beat. He’s shaking his head and laughing incredulously, she drops her mic and jumps from the stage, forgetting about the crowds of people watching as she runs to him. He’s running too, people move out the way so they’ve got a clear run until finally, they crash into each other, arms wrapped around each other and laughing ridiculously.

“You’re insane,” he whispers, touching his forehead to hers. 

“Maybe,” she laughs, “but it worked, it got your attention.”

“It did,” he agrees softly, then brushes a thumb over her cheek, “I’m in love with you too, for the record.”

“That’s good,” she grins back, deliriously happy and elated, she doesn’t know why she didn’t make a grand gesture weeks ago. “You’re not getting rid of me now.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” Bellamy murmurs, and finally, he kisses her - soft and sweet, she never should have let him go, she should have fought harder but that’s all in the past now.

What matters now is they’re together, they’re in love, and they finally got their act together.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays to everyone, but especially probablyVoldemort, I hope you enjoyed your gift!


End file.
